#sorelatable Podcast - Ep 5 - From Hiding to Hopeful

Five years into her marriage, Amanda Krill knew it wasn't going to work, yet she continued on for 20 more years – only to realize that she had been hiding her true self and her dreams and functioning as a single parent for most of that time. It wasn't until she divorced, several months ago, that she really became hopeful for being all that she is and living the dream life she had always wanted. Her commitment to remaining kind to her ex, putting aside any bitterness or resentment, has allowed both of them to transform their marriage into a positive co-parenting relationship.

I really enjoyed speaking with Amanda and found her story to be very inspiring. Here are some of my take aways from that conversation:

• What if divorce wasn’t about destroying another person – but instead, just realizing that the other person hasn’t done their work yet – so there’s no working it out with them.
• Remind yourself that you made all the effort you could and the relationship didn’t work. Its not your fault – but it’s something to learn from.
• You can also hold that thought about what have you learned, until you finish grieving. You can also hold the learning lesson message aside when the grief comes up.
• Deal with a grief first. It’s just plain old hard to change, even if you want to.
• Commit to kindness – a good model to have at the end of your marriage.
• Ask them directly, ‘do you want to work on it?’
• Tell them directly, ‘we have worked on it but it’s still not working.‘
• Ask them directly, ‘maybe if we have a different kind of relationship, like co-parenting, we could be healthier.’
• Sometimes, it’s just a recipe for the distance you need to keep with a person that might make you feel unhealthy or stops you from being healthy.
• There is a relationship that forms after the couple relationship ends - if you want it and you’re both capable of creating it. Maybe they’re not capable of it and maybe you have to accept that.
• If you do enter into a coparenting relationship, you each have to watch your triggers all along the way.
  Maybe the ending of the relationship is the biggest wake-up call you’ve got yet in your life.
• There’s a narrative that each of us develops along the way. What’s your narrative about? What happened? What’s healing you? What’s your most evolved narrative?
• What’s your dream, the one you haven’t been able to do? Maybe you couldn’t do your dream or have your dream in your marriage. Maybe there was too much static and you weren’t capable of doing it for many reasons.
• At the end of a long marriage, the main thing kids really want is for their parents to be happy. Kids monitor our happiness all the time.
• Watch yourself when you start getting everything you want. Maybe you might start sabotaging it so you don’t have to show up. Showing up is hard.
• It may sound cliché, but taking care of yourself helps you show up better.
• If you could blow a part of your life, because it was too hard, what would you do after the blow up rediscover yourself and move forward? What would you do that would you would be excited about?

The paradigm of relationships shifts because we are often so conditioned to adhere to a certain model. If we can’t make them work, we think that we failed. But maybe you haven’t failed at all. Maybe you just haven’t found a relationship paradigm that works for you. So, consider, what’s the paradigm you need to create so that you can begin living your dream life?

I hope you take plenty of time to explore that!

About Amanda Krill

Start here with the post that inspired and moved me to bring her on: https://www.instagram.com/reel/CmjwOupAs4T/?igshid=NzJjY2FjNWJiZg%3D%3D 

Amanda is a mom to three amazing grown kids (the last one is almost grown anyway), who has written three books, owns three businesses, and has three podcasts. She is an inspiration, role model, and an open person, who has been willing to share her own journey through divorce, rediscovering herself, and feeling hopeful. 

Visit her website to learn more and connect: https://amandakrill.com/