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In order to create safety in relationships, both people must start talking about their triggers with each other. If you are feeling triggered, you have to first understand what the trigger is, where it comes from, and what you can do to help yourself. So it’s not only insight but also strategy, behavior change, and communicating with your partner. It’s not about having your partner resolve that trigger for you. Often times in relationships, we have our own trauma and sometimes our trauma interse...

One of the things I have clients do regularly when they’re working on their relationships is to sign up for Marriage Daily Dialogue Question. I want them to see if any of these questions on this website could help them deal with some of the issues that are going on in their relationships as they may need to learn how to talk about issues in different ways.

One of the questions from March included, “How do I feel about our goals as a couple?” I think as couples proceed to having regular cycles i...

Here are a few activities to deepen your relationship: you don’t need to do these all at once. Space them out over a month.

Just take one or two things that you think would be most helpful to the two of you.

1. Think of one behavior you have that the other person likes or praises:

Ask yourself why you do this. Share with your partner your feelings as you think about this behavior and why you do it. Then, think about a negative behavior that you do, especially around your partner. Describe it ...

After people decide to separate, I’ve notice that there is a process people go through around whether or not they wear their wedding rings.

Often people wear their wedding rings throughout the whole divorce group series. They aren’t ready to take them off. Having a ring on your ring finger means something. For many it means they are not available to date and they are still attached to someone.

They may also be protecting themselves in their work environment because they don’t want to have to a...

What bad habits did you get into in your long-term relationship? Often times I’ve heard folks say that their long term relationship changed them. They stopped doing things that made them feel happy and they experience less joy. In long term relationships we sometimes question why we were together and where things fell apart. Did we give up on our own lives? Was it impossible to find happiness with our mate, or was it both? Often times the habits of not communicating, losing interest in each othe...

Another question that was put in the daily dialogues was, “What are my needs and how does my answer make me feel?” Often times we have unmet needs in relationships and if we have too many of these unmet needs in our marriage, it leads to us not wanting to stay in the marriage any longer. It’s important to recognize that your partner won’t be the person that is fulfilling all of your needs. However, it is still important for you to have needs and be able to talk about them as you discuss how they...

One of my favorite theorists, Gottman, writes about the sound relationship house. The sound relationship house is a really great model of trying to identify the patterns in your relationships and where the weak areas are. If we think of the relationship as a house, we have to build a foundation and make that foundation really solid before we build the frame. There are 7 basic levels of relationships and we can think of the first three floors as being made up of a friendship system, the basis for...