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When I’m working with divorced families, one of my goals is to help parents and children to retain, find, or redefine their own identities. All of the family members should be able to see themselves as being surrounded by their own circle of identity, even when they engage with other people.

Unfortunately, kids in divorcing families are often put into a situation where they are urged to feel more empathy for one parent over another. Or, they are put in the position of trying to figure...

Divorce With Dignity is a divorce facilitation service with the goal of getting people through their divorce in a holistic, cooperative, peaceful, and cost-effective way. One of the benefits we offer our clients is referrals for additional services they may need to make the divorce a smoother transition. For example, some clients may be in situations where they have a need to seek therapy or counseling during the divorce process. In these cases, we refer them to professionals like Susan...

During the last support sampler, one of the themes of the group was how to move on from the divorce. When folks are feeling so shamed, it’s really overwhelming to think of rebuilding their lives and how much energy it takes to reacclimate after a divorce.

A lot of the members who sought out the support group are really struggling and suffering with their decision to leave the relationship as well as feeling isolated and different from their current social group. They feel like they have...

Divorce is a scary and overwhelming thing. Sometimes people know they are unhappy in their marriage, but have trouble deciding what to do about it. Should they stick with the “known”, or jump into the unknown territory of divorce? How does one go about making the divorce decision?

One of our Divorce With Dignity referral associates is Marriage & Family Therapist Susan Regan, MFT. We asked her to share with us some of her thoughts on this topic.

Susan, in what ways do people...

In order to create safety in relationships, both people must start talking about their triggers with each other. If you are feeling triggered, you have to first understand what the trigger is, where it comes from, and what you can do to help yourself. So it’s not only insight but also strategy, behavior change, and communicating with your partner. It’s not about having your partner resolve that trigger for you. Often times in relationships, we have our own trauma and sometimes our...

Often times, parents ask me how therapy works. One of the ways I’ve been able to get a sense that your child’s therapy is working is well described in writings by authors and my colleagues.

There is a stage where children do their deeper work during play therapy called the “deeper awareness stage.” It essentially parallels a mindful meditation. Here are some comparisons to that in Eckhart Tolle’s work. “Through both the language and the silence of the play,...

Oftentimes, we have intense emotional states and get flooded with the emotions. It’s important to understand why this is happening. Sometimes, we get flooded with past traumas, but it’s important to slow down and remember not to act or react during this time. People in our group described times that they felt flooded with emotional intensity. A lot of times, people who are going through divorce are triggered by what’s going on currently but they are also being reminded of...

One of the things I have clients do regularly when they’re working on their relationships is to sign up for Marriage Daily Dialogue Question. I want them to see if any of these questions on this website could help them deal with some of the issues that are going on in their relationships as they may need to learn how to talk about issues in different ways.

One of the questions from March included, “How do I feel about our goals as a couple?” I think as couples proceed to...

Members in my divorce support group have discussed what bad habits they get into in their long-term relationships. I’ve often heard folks say that their long term relationships have changed them. They stopped doing things that made them feel happy and started experiencing less joy in their life in general. Group members question why they were with their partners and where things started falling apart in their relationships. Did they give up on their own lives? Was it possible to find...

There is something called the law of choice where we have the ability to take responsibility and choose new interpretations that empower when trying to heal from divorce. We can take back aspects of ourselves that we have projected onto our mate. We can observe what self-defeating behavior we’ve displayed and how to react without this self-defeating behavior. How do we respond to different situations? The pain from the past and the fear of the future often keeps us stuck and unable to...